Peeps.

Several of my peeps are out of pocket this week. I am starting to answer stupid stuff on Facebook. This isn't good.

On the upside, I had a nice lunch with girlfriends today. And. I scattered all my zinnia seeds in the yard. I scratched in the dirt and planted peppers (banana) and zucchini. I'm not confident they are healthy plants. We will know soon enough.

The lantana, milkweed, fennel, and perennial salvia that we relocated all seem healthy and growing. My amaryllis have bloomed large this year. Gerber daisy is happy and blooming. New blue berry bushes have fruit.

Going to buy some clematis and herbs soon.

Had a great Easter Day at Daughter's house. She hit a home run with her ham with homemade glaze. It was a picture perfect day.

Bunko with friends tomorrow. Funeral on Thursday. Garden club work day on Saturday.

Live in the fast lane.

Shalom.

Calm before the storm.

Storms are due in tomorrow. 

Again.

It was a long, busy day today. 

Macho had worked in the front bed in our yard. He has it looking very good.

I drank a little toddy to calm my busy mind.

Then I took a stroll around the back yard.

I clipped a few hydrangea branches that were dead. Before coming inside

I found a dead bird on my patio. I donned my garden gloves, grabbed my trowel, and set out to bury her. The evening is quiet. Our Lady of Perpetual Vegetables was reigning near the oak tree. 

I stopped to say my prayer...

She came from Mom's house. 

Mom promised to buy a statue when Dad joined the church. This statue was at our old place at 890. Second street. After the storm she moved. With Mom and Dad. She stood sentinel by the pecan tree. Until last month.

Then she came home with me.

Now. She presides over our vegetable garden.

And so. In the quiet of this evening I stopped. 

"...The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

- Robert Frost

It was so quiet. Mom was so near. I shed a few tears. 

After the funeral I did go to Mom's house.

Yet. Somehow my upcoming trip has me a little apprehensive about returning.

I think I want her to still be there.

In her house. 

My head knows she isn't. But my heart wishes she was. 

I still see her as "there". 

And.

It will hurt to not have it be.

Shalom. 

One month.

I will come to you in the silence.
This is a line from a hymn we sing at church.

If I allow myself quiet time she does come to me.
Her love is still alive.

Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris burned today on the one month anniversary of Mom's death.
I've never been to Paris, yet I feel how momentous it is to lose such a beautiful old thing.

I find myself looking at recent photos of her,  and her death seems a dream. Unreal.
I miss seeing her face. I miss our fractured communication on FaceTime. I miss knowing she is there. I miss worrying about her.

Lord help me navigate the sorrow. Help me keep her love alive.

Shalom.