Reflection. Prayer. Counseling from an unnamed source. All have helped bring me to a peaceful place today. The road to this place was different than what I thought, even yesterday morning. The plan I had laid out went all wrong. I totally did what I had told myself not to do. When I was going to sleep last night I prayed for peace. After my post of yesterday I examined myself and found myself lacking. I forgave me. I prayed for those with whom I feel conflict. And here I am. Feeling the peace.
I continue to try and accept things I can not change. Knowing the difference. That truly is the hard part.
Now I can move through the rest of this Holy Week. In peace.
My friend was right. We make our own weather.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Choices.
One sister. I just finished a good Skype conversation with one sister. I find myself avoiding personal confrontation issues on this blog. And here I am rehashing the entire conversation in my head. And rehashing some of it right here. On my veryownblog. I try to avoid confrontation issues with my siblings. Not very successfully, I might add. At the end, she and I agreed to disagree. And we love each other. But just like in a Pat Conroy novel, my family makes me more than a little crazy. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
We have almost polar opposite views of dealing with Mom. I can only speak my view because I am not sure I will get hers right. I try to be realistic in my view of Mom. I believe when a person reaches the ripe age of 92 she/he should be allowed to let some things go. I don't expect Mom to be the same person she was, even say, at 72. Or even 82. No matter what she decides to do, or not do, it is okay with me. It is fine with me if she sleeps late. It is fine with me if she doesn't want to go to lunch with friends. It takes effort to be social. She may not have the stamina to be so social anymore. That is fine with me. She is 92. It is not going to get better. She is not going to grow perkier. It is okay if she doesn't spread her wings and fly now that Dad is gone (like some of my siblings might have believed).
I acknowledge that she is virtually deaf. I accept that new technology isn't always the best idea. I think at 92 I will be tired. If I live that long. And I think it is okay to be old. And tired. When you are 92.
It is okay with me if she self-shrinks her own world.
I believe Sister thinks that I view Mom's situation as the cup being half empty. Maybe I do. I think I will do a little reflecting on that. I don't think it will change the way I look at Mom's situation. I want to treat and speak to Mom like the adult she is. Not like a child, or a fragile egg, that needs protecting. I like to think that I have a realistic view of my Mother.
Sister said it is all about choices. How we choose to look at and deal with Mom. She chooses to see Mom as a person that can handle learning new technology. It doesn't dawn on, nor bother Sister, that Mom may be frustrated by new technology. Sister says our differing views and relationships with Mom are guided by our choices. Its all about choices. And my opinions will not change her choices. And vice versa. Bottom line is - when you have polar opposite ideas - then the other person's opinions seem very wrong. But. Neither of us will change our way of looking at Mom.
I got the feeling that Sister believes that Dad wanted to do more for Mom the last year of his life. That somehow he was discouraged from it. How can I put this? Dad couldn't get out of bed by himself. Dad hurt. When he was awake. When he was asleep. When he moved. When he was still. He hurt. All. The. Time. Why would I encourage him to continue to do things for Mom when he hurt like that? Why would anyone? I guess Dad had choices, too. He could have chosen to get up and do what hurt. And some days he did. But on other days he did not. He chose the path of less resistance. The more comfortable path. And at 92, why not? He had nothing more to prove to anyone.
See. It can make me crazy. And so. I breathe. Deep breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let it go.
Yes. We can disagree. I can concede that maybe neither of us is totally right. I can only say that Pat Conroy has nothing on my family. I could tell him a thing. Or two.
We have almost polar opposite views of dealing with Mom. I can only speak my view because I am not sure I will get hers right. I try to be realistic in my view of Mom. I believe when a person reaches the ripe age of 92 she/he should be allowed to let some things go. I don't expect Mom to be the same person she was, even say, at 72. Or even 82. No matter what she decides to do, or not do, it is okay with me. It is fine with me if she sleeps late. It is fine with me if she doesn't want to go to lunch with friends. It takes effort to be social. She may not have the stamina to be so social anymore. That is fine with me. She is 92. It is not going to get better. She is not going to grow perkier. It is okay if she doesn't spread her wings and fly now that Dad is gone (like some of my siblings might have believed).
I acknowledge that she is virtually deaf. I accept that new technology isn't always the best idea. I think at 92 I will be tired. If I live that long. And I think it is okay to be old. And tired. When you are 92.
It is okay with me if she self-shrinks her own world.
I believe Sister thinks that I view Mom's situation as the cup being half empty. Maybe I do. I think I will do a little reflecting on that. I don't think it will change the way I look at Mom's situation. I want to treat and speak to Mom like the adult she is. Not like a child, or a fragile egg, that needs protecting. I like to think that I have a realistic view of my Mother.
Sister said it is all about choices. How we choose to look at and deal with Mom. She chooses to see Mom as a person that can handle learning new technology. It doesn't dawn on, nor bother Sister, that Mom may be frustrated by new technology. Sister says our differing views and relationships with Mom are guided by our choices. Its all about choices. And my opinions will not change her choices. And vice versa. Bottom line is - when you have polar opposite ideas - then the other person's opinions seem very wrong. But. Neither of us will change our way of looking at Mom.
I got the feeling that Sister believes that Dad wanted to do more for Mom the last year of his life. That somehow he was discouraged from it. How can I put this? Dad couldn't get out of bed by himself. Dad hurt. When he was awake. When he was asleep. When he moved. When he was still. He hurt. All. The. Time. Why would I encourage him to continue to do things for Mom when he hurt like that? Why would anyone? I guess Dad had choices, too. He could have chosen to get up and do what hurt. And some days he did. But on other days he did not. He chose the path of less resistance. The more comfortable path. And at 92, why not? He had nothing more to prove to anyone.
See. It can make me crazy. And so. I breathe. Deep breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let it go.
Yes. We can disagree. I can concede that maybe neither of us is totally right. I can only say that Pat Conroy has nothing on my family. I could tell him a thing. Or two.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thurs. Day.
Where has the day gone? Bunches to do around the house. Yet. I spent the day away from it. Bible study and lunch with my girls. We dined at the CJ Italian Bistro afterward. No crowd. Good visit. Nice muffaletta and tomato soup. My lunch mates shared creme brulee for dessert. I don't eat the sweets during Lent. And so I enjoyed watching them enjoy the yummy looking delight with some raspberry goodness on top.
Before I made it to the Study I was able to pick up our tax return. Glad to have that done. Glad it wasn't bad news. Mr. Macho will be so happy. All the twelve years I worked for the small accounting firm in town he would be so upset that we owed taxes. I was glad to see a couple of the girls I used to work with while picking up the return. One has lost a bunch of weight, broken up with her boyfriend, and is looking really divine right now. I am so proud of her!
After lunch it was on to grocery shopping. Checking out I ran into family friend, Kathryn, and enjoyed a 45 minute visit. IN the grocery store. We always have lots to say to each other. I like her. She knows something about everything.
Then visited father-in-law, who has had some skin surgeries this week. Melanoma. Twice the doctor has taken away. And still has not finished. Lab reports will determine if there is more removal necessary. It is in an odd place, too. Right on his nose. Close to the eye. Only skin, cartilage, and bone there.
One more proud moment this week. Daughter has begun the process of applying to grad school. I am ecstatic. She is smart. She will knock it out the park. I know this.
Looks like there might be more rain on its way. Saturday might just be a good sleep in day. Mmm. That sounds good to me.
We keep trying to win the lottery. Two of my sisters. And me. We pool our little resources and the one that lives in a lottery-ticket-selling-state makes the purchase. Then we hold our breath. One of these days!!!
I am off. Wishing you an early beginning to your weekend! Happy trails to you.
Be sweet.
Before I made it to the Study I was able to pick up our tax return. Glad to have that done. Glad it wasn't bad news. Mr. Macho will be so happy. All the twelve years I worked for the small accounting firm in town he would be so upset that we owed taxes. I was glad to see a couple of the girls I used to work with while picking up the return. One has lost a bunch of weight, broken up with her boyfriend, and is looking really divine right now. I am so proud of her!
After lunch it was on to grocery shopping. Checking out I ran into family friend, Kathryn, and enjoyed a 45 minute visit. IN the grocery store. We always have lots to say to each other. I like her. She knows something about everything.
Then visited father-in-law, who has had some skin surgeries this week. Melanoma. Twice the doctor has taken away. And still has not finished. Lab reports will determine if there is more removal necessary. It is in an odd place, too. Right on his nose. Close to the eye. Only skin, cartilage, and bone there.
One more proud moment this week. Daughter has begun the process of applying to grad school. I am ecstatic. She is smart. She will knock it out the park. I know this.
Looks like there might be more rain on its way. Saturday might just be a good sleep in day. Mmm. That sounds good to me.
We keep trying to win the lottery. Two of my sisters. And me. We pool our little resources and the one that lives in a lottery-ticket-selling-state makes the purchase. Then we hold our breath. One of these days!!!
I am off. Wishing you an early beginning to your weekend! Happy trails to you.
Be sweet.
Monday, March 18, 2013
A quick recap.
Friday I got to drive over and enjoy Tucker's performance in his first grade play. I must say that he did a stellar job in the starring role of the Troll. Star quality in that boy! His future is so bright we need to wear shades.
The weekend was kind to us. Merritt spent her fist solo sleep over at our house. The entire weekend was way better than I had anticipated. I had expected wailing and gnashing of teeth. To my happy surprise, there was little to no crying. Bedtime was a breeze. Nap time was just as easy. She ate well.
We forget how short an 18 month old's attention span is! And why, oh why, do we spend millions of dollars on so many toys when all you need is an empty bay leaf bottle, an empty yogurt container, and some free Mardi Gras beads? Those three items kept the Super Carrot occupied for the majority of the weekend. And walking around the house. The weather was so very cooperative. And so we played outside at every opportunity. We opened and shut the gate and just walked around the outside of the house. Over. And over. And over again. We would stop and take note of a bird. Or a dog's bark. Or the rocks on the ground. And then repeat.
The weekend was kind to us. Merritt spent her fist solo sleep over at our house. The entire weekend was way better than I had anticipated. I had expected wailing and gnashing of teeth. To my happy surprise, there was little to no crying. Bedtime was a breeze. Nap time was just as easy. She ate well.
We forget how short an 18 month old's attention span is! And why, oh why, do we spend millions of dollars on so many toys when all you need is an empty bay leaf bottle, an empty yogurt container, and some free Mardi Gras beads? Those three items kept the Super Carrot occupied for the majority of the weekend. And walking around the house. The weather was so very cooperative. And so we played outside at every opportunity. We opened and shut the gate and just walked around the outside of the house. Over. And over. And over again. We would stop and take note of a bird. Or a dog's bark. Or the rocks on the ground. And then repeat.
Merritt, The Super Carrot, DDS. She looves to brush her teeth.
She wants to brush her own hair. But she doesn't want a bow in it. Out comes the barrett, which she called a bow.
I should market this. If parents and grandparents would only realize. Take that money and put it into a college fund. Give the little kids empty plastic containers. Give them things to put in and take out of the containers. Then sit back and watch them work it.
Who can resist a good rock?
The back porch. She ran the length. She hid behind the rockers. She got a little jiggy with my Dollar Tree solar bee. The bee met it's demise. Ah well. There are more where it came from. A Dollar tree solar flower has already taken it's place.
All clean. In her pj's. She loved the little rocker. Which actually came from her other grandfather's house.
On the ride home this girl "couldn't hang no longer"- a favorite quote from a random mother at the Wal-Mart that Daughter and I ran into years ago.
****
I have to run the disclaimer that the weekend was made extra successful by the complete cooperation of Mr. Macho. He was totally into it even though the Carrot would hardly go to him. He wondered aloud why she is scared of him. He uses a big, stern voice. That's why. Plain and simple. I told him, "You scare most all little children."
***
We wrapped it up by driving Merritt home. That's where we found her big sister totally engrossed in scheming to capture a leprechaun. It was rather ingenious the trap she set. She had set a penny and a bowl of Lucky Charms in an old wire basket on her patio. I hear she had some fancy schmancy traps in her bedroom, too. Ah, that girl. I love her whimsy. And her plans. Always planning.
***
And the new week begins. Much house cleaning to do. Again. And crocheting. I was so happy to find the color of yarn that I needed at the foreign Wal-Mart yesterday. My local store is very patchy with their selection. It is always a hit and a miss. Mostly a miss. Now I can finish the little round pink and green rug I had started in January.
***
Dance class tonight. I need to stretch my back out good during the day. I slept super well last night but know the old back needs working out the kinks. What kind of kinks are you working out this week? Doing any spring cleaning? There are things in my house that must leave. This week is as good as any to send out the old junk. Think I will make that part of my plan. And on that note, I am off.
Be sweet. Do your best.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Habemus Papum.
Pope Francis I.
I think I like it. It has been a very moving afternoon waiting and then watching him on the Fox News. I feel hopeful. I like that he has chosen the name of Francis. I like that he appears very humble. I like that he is from Argentina.
May he be a channel of peace.
I think I like it. It has been a very moving afternoon waiting and then watching him on the Fox News. I feel hopeful. I like that he has chosen the name of Francis. I like that he appears very humble. I like that he is from Argentina.
May he be a channel of peace.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Rainy days and Mondays...
Puddles. Everywhere. Ferocious wind yesterday brought in the rain. Supposed to stop early afternoon. Creeks are swollen. Neighborhood rivers are running.
This after a pretty fair weekend. Mild temps. Yard work. Weeding. Transplanting. Trimming. Wine on the porch. Today = sore hamstrings. Argh. Got my exercise in already this morning in hopes it will relieve the sore muscles.
***
Started a new afghan this weekend. I have three running right now. It keeps my interest from waning. This new one is small. So it shouldn't take long to finish. "Shouldn't" being the operative word.
***
Had a good time visiting with Mr. Macho's family yesterday. Good meal. Fun chat about their family tree. Watched an hilarious Youtube video. Hilarious. I wish I had videoed Mr. Macho's reaction as he watched it. That was hysterical, too. If you want a laugh - go to Youtube and Google "Nana dancing"...and listen very closely at the very end. Oh.
***
Need to go put some clothes in the wash. Son-in-town and I are planning a Sam's run. Even in the rain. Maybe lunch with Daughter. Good times, man.
Peace.
Be sweet.
This after a pretty fair weekend. Mild temps. Yard work. Weeding. Transplanting. Trimming. Wine on the porch. Today = sore hamstrings. Argh. Got my exercise in already this morning in hopes it will relieve the sore muscles.
***
Started a new afghan this weekend. I have three running right now. It keeps my interest from waning. This new one is small. So it shouldn't take long to finish. "Shouldn't" being the operative word.
***
Had a good time visiting with Mr. Macho's family yesterday. Good meal. Fun chat about their family tree. Watched an hilarious Youtube video. Hilarious. I wish I had videoed Mr. Macho's reaction as he watched it. That was hysterical, too. If you want a laugh - go to Youtube and Google "Nana dancing"...and listen very closely at the very end. Oh.
***
Need to go put some clothes in the wash. Son-in-town and I are planning a Sam's run. Even in the rain. Maybe lunch with Daughter. Good times, man.
Peace.
Be sweet.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Bees. And ants.
It is a favorite family saying that we got from Uncle Dick, "If it ain't bees, it's ants!" I use it all the time. And so. The dose of Mucinex taken late last night is helping with the thick yucky stuff. But then. 1:30. A.M. And the screaming Mimis hit with a vengeance. I don't know whether it was a stomach bug. Or, the old dates that I ate out the fridge last night. Go figure. Either way - I skipped exercise this morning. I have eaten breakfast and lunch. Starchy, comfort food. Oatmeal. And chicken noodle soup. Tummy is not back to 100%. But nothing bad is going on. No "spilling" or "plumbing" problems.
I have put together a few baby bibs this morning. And finished some more this afternoon.
Bunny ear teething rings. And small bibs.
Bibs for the Super Carrot.
Boy bib and burp cloth.
***
Mr. Macho has arrived home. Good to have him back. Going to go heat some chicken and wild rice soup that was in the freezer for supper.
Be sweet.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Cough.
I am tired of the coughing. It has been a weird little respiratory infection. Started in the chest and mostly stayed there. Not a lot of nose blowing. But hurting sinuses is one symptom. I started running the humidifier two nights ago. Morning wake up routine includes gross stuff. Nuff said.
***
We had an enjoyable weekend with most everyone one here. Son-in-law and Out of Town Daughter-in-law were absent and missed. Sweet Pea and Super Carrot are warming up to each other. They hugged. A lot. There was a little shirt pulling that went on. But we were effective in keeping it to a minimum.
Lauren brought with her the school volcano project. She meticulously mixed the paste. She carefully applied the strips of newspaper. At a certain point we employed the blow dryer to speed the process. The final touches were applied after they went home. She Skyped me Sunday night to show off the completed volcano. Great job, kiddo!! Loved the dinosaurs. Nice touch. I believe the volcano is due at school today where a chemical reaction will be added. Happy explosion!
***
It was a gorgeous weather day yesterday. It was first Monday and that is when I work in our local soup kitchen. Our numbers were down yesterday. Who knows why the numbers fluctuate? I am getting to know our regulars. They are getting to know me. Some recognize that I have a soft heart and ask me for seconds. We do serve seconds, only after we try to make sure all have had a first plate of food. One little customer calls me Sweetie and asks for something extra with a twinkle in his eye. It may be a medicated twinkle, but he is hungry. Another man will eat as many plates as we will bring him. He is a big man. He appreciates the food. One lady comes in her wheel chair. I have seen her in town riding down the road. In her wheel chair. She can't eat the mixed fruit. She is allergic to strawberries.
***
Mr. Macho is out of town. On business. I went alone to dance class last night. We started beginning merengue. So far it is easy. And fun. Intermediate cha cha was fun, too. I can't wait for Mr. M to get home so I can show him what I learned. He will like it.
***
Exercise. Clean sheets and towels. Floor sweeping. All on the agenda today. Plus a little book reading and crocheting. Rain is in the forecast. I hope you have a productive day, too.
Be sweet.
***
We had an enjoyable weekend with most everyone one here. Son-in-law and Out of Town Daughter-in-law were absent and missed. Sweet Pea and Super Carrot are warming up to each other. They hugged. A lot. There was a little shirt pulling that went on. But we were effective in keeping it to a minimum.
Lauren brought with her the school volcano project. She meticulously mixed the paste. She carefully applied the strips of newspaper. At a certain point we employed the blow dryer to speed the process. The final touches were applied after they went home. She Skyped me Sunday night to show off the completed volcano. Great job, kiddo!! Loved the dinosaurs. Nice touch. I believe the volcano is due at school today where a chemical reaction will be added. Happy explosion!
***
It was a gorgeous weather day yesterday. It was first Monday and that is when I work in our local soup kitchen. Our numbers were down yesterday. Who knows why the numbers fluctuate? I am getting to know our regulars. They are getting to know me. Some recognize that I have a soft heart and ask me for seconds. We do serve seconds, only after we try to make sure all have had a first plate of food. One little customer calls me Sweetie and asks for something extra with a twinkle in his eye. It may be a medicated twinkle, but he is hungry. Another man will eat as many plates as we will bring him. He is a big man. He appreciates the food. One lady comes in her wheel chair. I have seen her in town riding down the road. In her wheel chair. She can't eat the mixed fruit. She is allergic to strawberries.
***
Mr. Macho is out of town. On business. I went alone to dance class last night. We started beginning merengue. So far it is easy. And fun. Intermediate cha cha was fun, too. I can't wait for Mr. M to get home so I can show him what I learned. He will like it.
***
Exercise. Clean sheets and towels. Floor sweeping. All on the agenda today. Plus a little book reading and crocheting. Rain is in the forecast. I hope you have a productive day, too.
Be sweet.
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