Swimming in the rain.

The new normal. That is what we are aiming for. We are putting one foot in front of the other. We look back over our shoulder. Then move forward.

I swam my 20 laps in a soft rain this morning. That is what it felt like over the last five days. Swimming. Through the rain of tears. Through the love rained down on us. Through the rain of prayers. Through the rain of the abundance of food that was provided to us. Through the rain of emotions. Through the rain of kind words. And then we emerge from the pool. Different. Sad but refreshed. Seeing life as sweeter. Softer. Even more precious.

Watching Father-in-law pass from this life were precious, holy moments. As were the moments of our children's arrivals. Holy, precious hugs given and received. Holy communion as we listened to grandsons give thanks to God for the gift of this life and the food that we shared. Holy and precious as we were warmed by the outpouring of the mere presence of friends and family. Some who traveled great distances to be with us. Preachers who said the exact right thing, holy moments. The funeral director who, on bent knee with big tears rolling down his cheeks, presented Macho the folded American flag for his father's service in the Navy. Precious and holy.

There were many moments that caught my eye as so sweet over the weekend. A few times I had the presence of mind to grab my phone and snap a photo. Like this one. Grandfather and grandson. 

Then I looked out my kitchen window and saw this. Brother cutting brother's hair. And then having the favor returned. 

Sweet, sweet Lauren sharing her game with Millie. 

Tuesday we didn't know quite what to do with ourselves. So we just relaxed and enjoyed being together. We plugged in the Disney movie Tangled and for a few minutes all the grandchildren were still and occupied. 

A rare picture of Macho presiding over the grandchildren at the foot of the table. 

***

Then, in the blink of an eye, our children were gone. Back to their homes. Their new normal. And our world got quiet. And life? It went on. We are still carrying our crosses of sadness. We are using gentle words and tones of voice. 

Last night I prepared a small meal. I held Macho's hand and said, "Let's fall in love again!" He said, "Did we fall out?" I replied, "No. But isn't it fun falling?!" 

Peace, and love, and happy Wednesday to you.

Stop.

The world is a little quieter this morning. Macho's father peacefully passed from this earth at 4:30 yesterday, Friday. All three of his children were gathered round his bed.

Great sadness. Thankfulness for his life and the peaceful passing. Feeling like there is a voice missing. Feeling like our footing is not quite sure. Finding our way without him will be so different.

We love thinking of him at rest. We believe he is united with unimaginable love.

Peace be with you.

The unknowable.

"Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming"

Matthew 24:42

Macho and his two sisters continue to keep watch. He went back to work on Tuesday. Tom went back to Birmingham. We are finding a new, temporary normal. Rhonda and Laura are the real trojans. They have tag teamed and covered every night this week. Laura, still getting over her crud. Rhonda,

 in the throws of her crud. And still they keep their vigil. 

Macho will  cover a night or two this weekend. He still feels responsible for getting the grass cut. At out house, and at his dad's house. He will be worn out, too, as he recovers from his crud. 

Father-in-law has improved since the weekend. The c-diff is more in check with the combination of two terribly strong antibiotics. Yesterday he ate more than he has all week. He has developed a "hot spot" on his remaining heel. I don't want to paint a rosy picture, but there is slight improvement. Very slight. 

And so. We wait. And watch. And pray. For his peace. 

A time for every season under heaven.

Where to start? Macho's dad moved into the new nursing home on Monday. By Wednesday the staff had confirmed that he was still suffering from the c-diff. By Thursday morning he was in serious decline. Laura called Macho and his other sister. It was agreed that the time had come to give their dad comfort care only. To stop aggressively fighting the decline.

Macho and I quickly made our way to the nursing home Thursday morning feeling like death was imminent. Rhonda and Tom drove over from Birmingham. We stayed by his bedside all day. The day wasn't good. He said he was tired and wanted to go. Evening slowly crept up and by about 9:00 we had all gone home to get some rest.

Friday we were all back at the nursing home with things feeling like more decline. Father-in-law kept asking why we hadn't called the funeral home. He asked a minimum of three times per hour. He also repeatedly told us he had died three days ago, so what were we waiting for? It got a little comical. Again we all went home for a night's sleep. 

Sweet Saturday dawned. Macho and I had decided that we would slowly make our way back to the nursing home but that quickly changed. Rhonda called to let us know that Laura had arrived at her dad's side early and he was asking for all three of his children. Then he insisted Laura call and get the other two there. Macho got ready in short order. I wasn't far behind. 

The morning held precious and holy moments. Children proclaimed love for their father. Father said sweet things about his good children. He said he was tired and wanted to go. They told him they would be fine. Go ahead, they said. It is okay, go ahead. They held his hand. He wanted their touch. Love permeated the room. The rhythm was set for the morning. Over and over he wanted their touch. They held his hand. His hoarse whisper, I'm tired. I'm ready to go. Go ahead, dad, it is alright. 

He was trying so hard to expire. Giving it his best shot. 

The rest of the day grew busy. The room grew full of people. Children, their spouses, grandchildren, stepchildren. Friends. The words were repeated. I'm tired. I want to go. Come go with me. We can't come with you, dad, you go ahead. It is okay. 

He stayed somewhat aggitated during the day with all the activity of people coming in and out, and from the chatter in his room. Out-of-town son was able to be there. Daughter came over later and got to be present. Helping and wanting to witness their grandfather's passing. I am so proud that all three of our grown children have tender hearts for their grandfather. A grandfather whose legacy is laughter and wit. 

Macho stayed the night. This morning while I stayed with the grands Daughter ran and picked up breakfast for her dad and delivered it to him at the nursing home. Then they came home and all got ready for church. After Mass, lunch, and Daughter's departure we both went back to the nursing home. This day was more calm. More decline. Father-in-law slept peacefully most of the afternoon. Only opening his eyes to slits. A quick wink at Laura. A finger pointing at Macho. Signs he still sees and knows his children. And loves. 

This week. 

We will live. We will love. We will let go. 

Namaste. 

The beat goes on.

It has been a weird week. Mr. Macho has come down with the same crud I had two weeks ago. He spent two hours in the clinic. I called when he left and he didn't even know what kind of shot he had nor what kind of prescriptions he had filled. Oi vey! He felt so bad he didn't care. His sister in town has had something just as bad. Lots of coughing and blowing the nose. Her husband is catching it.

Laura's son had a random hole in his lung that has put him in hospital. With a chest tube and pump. He is so hoping to get out today. It is so strange. I had never heard of a weak spot, or hole in a lung with no apparent cause.

The Super Carrot had bad ear drainage and ended up at the doctor's office this week. Her brother has had the pink eye. Their dishwasher is on the fritz and their AC is acting up. What next?

Father-in-law is not rid of the c-diff. This is the third round of antibiotics for this particular ailment. He is in the new nursing home. He is sleeping most of the time. Eating very little. He has lost a good 40 pounds in the last 6-8 months.

I need some happy news.

Daughter and family have had so much fun playing the new Pokeman app. game. Apparently it is the new craze. People are getting injured because they are so busy playing that they aren't paying attention to where they are walking. And run into stuff. Like trees. And cars.

I am on the cookie committee! My LCRW group formed the committee to take cookies to our public servants. A few weeks ago we delivered to the police department. Today? Firemen! Be jealous. I found a nice recipe for sugar cookies that didn't have to be rolled out. I tasted one. And. It is delicious!

Gonna walk instead of swim this morning. Time constraint.

I believe Sister Marsha is driving up this weekend. She will stay with Sister Paulette. No telling what mischief those two will get into!

Be sweet.
Namaste.

Visitor.

On Friday I picked up The Carrot. The Super Carrot. She was her typical-busy-self from the get go. She is always a fun little house guest. She cleans up after herself and goes to bed when she is tired. (About 8:00 both nights.) She loves to stay busy, which translates, for me, to being the audience. And. I don't mind. Because. She is so darn entertaining.

I suggested she use Grandaddy's car washing bucket to facilitate the tree climbing. Worked like a charm. After the ants were shooed away. 

She liked "playing" with Grandaddy's toy. (Don't tell her it is work to pick up the pine cones!)

Of course, we baked brownies. After which she washed all the dishes, and washed them well. The we had to taste test with a little added frosting!

Yum. 

On Friday we swam at the YMCA while Grandaddy did his evening work out. After supper we watched "Sleeping Beauty". She loves "girl" movies. 

On Saturday we played at the park for a while. She told me how many "structures" I had at "my" park. She uses pretty big words for a four year old. 

Saturday afternoon we went to swim, again. Only this time the pool was closed for a brief time because of distant thunder. So. We waited in the aerobics room. 

Mirrors all around a four year old makes for great fun and giggles. She did some ballet. And then I told her not to look, but there was a little girl her same size that looked just like her! She got a big kick out of that and trying to "hide" from that other girl. 

We had made a picnic/splash pad date with cousins. Two of Sister Paulette's grands were visiting her for the weekend. But, alas. Thunder happened again. The splash pad was cancelled, but the picnic still happened. They came over and we feasted on so much food!!! And we played and watched "Cinderella". (One of my favorites!) Just so you know, Hamp and Emma can play a mean game of Noughts and Crosses (formerly known as tic-tac-toe.) 

On Sunday, after mass, Hamp and Emma joined up for donuts at the Krsipy Kreme. Merritt chose her usual - chocolate with sprinkles. Emma selected a strawberry shortcake donut. Hamp went for the cup of donut holes. Afterwards I sent them to the restroom to wash hands which turned into a private dance party (by invitation only). I had to bang on the door to get them to unlock it! 

Whew. It was so exciting. 

After a good lunch of spaghetti and english peas there was just a little time left to play. Then Merritt climbed on the sofa with me and put her head on my shoulder and fell promptly asleep. I had to wake her because it was time to take her back. 

She was glad to see her mom. 

***

I've done my laps already this morning. 25. There was a cloud cover today while I was swimming. It is easier to swim with the cloud cover and no sun in my eyes. 

Father-in-law is changing nursing homes today. He is pretty much finished with the rehab and is graduating to full time nursing home. I think. Hopefully he will get some very good care at his new residence. 

*****

I do hope our country is finding a measure of sanity today and this week. Last week was rough. We can all take a lesson from "Cinderella"...have courage and be kind. 

Namaste. 

Today

I swam one mile. 33 pool laps.

Fireworks.

After working in the yard most all day. And helping to wash the two vehicles. Mr. Macho and I sat down to eat an early supper. He grilled his famous chicken leg quarters. And. They were the best he has ever done. Oh. So. Good. 

We cleaned up and drove into town to visit his dad. Mr. Macho coerced his dad into eating a few bites of his supper. 

When the sun started setting we went outside the nursing home and set up our chairs. And waited. Dark clouds and distant lightening were threatening. But. We waited some more. Then we enjoyed a lovely little fireworks show. 

Mr. Macho knows that I love the fireworks. So. It was at his suggestion that we stay and wait. It was not too long. But it was oh so lovely. The air had cooled. A breeze blew briskly. We even saw some old neighbors and had a good chat before the fireworks. Many of the nursing home residents were wheeled out to enjoy the show. Father-in-law did not want to come out. We asked. His nurse's aide asked. He said no. 

It was the most delightful little 4th of July I have spent in a while. 

And now, on with the rest of the summer. 

Be sweet.

Sunday ramblings.

Yesterday ended up being just a great mellow day, after all. I swam out my "pity party" attitude at the pool. It was just the ticket. Came home. Got dry. Took a nap.

Mr. Macho took me on a date last evening. We ate at Oby's in Starkvegas. Then we went to view the movie, "Free State of Jones". I did not have high expectations. Yet. I kind of enjoyed the movie. If you wish to see it, do not expect a rousing dramatic ending. The main character doesn't ride off heroically into the sunset. What the movie has done is whet my appetite to learn more about the main character and my own home state. I drive right through that very county every time I go to the coast to visit family. I even stop at a gas station right there in Ellisville.

My nasty little cough keeps on hanging on. I have been through the round of antibiotics. Finished the prescribed cough medicine. And still I have that deep rattle in the chest. I will resort to Robitusin.

This morning we slept late. Ahh. Took a long walk before breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, and our very own tomatoes out the garden in our backyard. It was so good. We went to late mass then helped stuff bags to hand out at the local soup kitchen.

Mr. Macho is sitting with his dad in the nursing home this afternoon. I will go up for a visit in a little bit. Then do a small run to the grocery store. Gotta cut up the obligatory watermelon this afternoon. Gonna pick up some corn on the cob. Already thawing the leg quarters for the bbq tomorrow.

My only little sister has a birthday today. (57, but who is counting?)

I hear fire crackers going off in the neighborhood. It is mighty dry. I hope the parent's of those whippersnappers are keeping watch.

Happy 4th of July, y'all.
Namaste.

Hello July.

New month. New attitude. Well. Not really new. Just trying to improve the old. And. Hold on to peaceful thoughts. 

Mr. Macho had the alarm set for 5:30 this morning. It is Saturday. I know. Bummer. He needed to get to his dad's house early so he could get the yard work done before the blazing heat was upon us. He got away from here pretty early and I joined him after I got a few things done. 

It was hot work. It got done. We both took breaks. Drank water. And sweated. A lot. We came home for some lunch. After we digest that for a while we are going to jump in the YMCA pool for a few minutes. 

Hoping to go to a movie tonight. This is a low key 4th of July. I kinda miss all the hoopla that used to go on around our house when I was growing up. It seemed like there were always cousins around for the  4th of July. Always a cook out. Always beach going activity. Always fireworks. Always. 

And now. Nothing. No salt water. No fishing rodeo. No crowded house. No fireworks. Land bound. That's what this is. I am waxing nostalgic for a coastline. 

I guess I can put on some Jimmy Buffet. That might help. I do have a swim suit on as I type this. That's something. 

Be sweet.