Where to start? Macho's dad moved into the new nursing home on Monday. By Wednesday the staff had confirmed that he was still suffering from the c-diff. By Thursday morning he was in serious decline. Laura called Macho and his other sister. It was agreed that the time had come to give their dad comfort care only. To stop aggressively fighting the decline.
Macho and I quickly made our way to the nursing home Thursday morning feeling like death was imminent. Rhonda and Tom drove over from Birmingham. We stayed by his bedside all day. The day wasn't good. He said he was tired and wanted to go. Evening slowly crept up and by about 9:00 we had all gone home to get some rest.
Friday we were all back at the nursing home with things feeling like more decline. Father-in-law kept asking why we hadn't called the funeral home. He asked a minimum of three times per hour. He also repeatedly told us he had died three days ago, so what were we waiting for? It got a little comical. Again we all went home for a night's sleep.
Sweet Saturday dawned. Macho and I had decided that we would slowly make our way back to the nursing home but that quickly changed. Rhonda called to let us know that Laura had arrived at her dad's side early and he was asking for all three of his children. Then he insisted Laura call and get the other two there. Macho got ready in short order. I wasn't far behind.
The morning held precious and holy moments. Children proclaimed love for their father. Father said sweet things about his good children. He said he was tired and wanted to go. They told him they would be fine. Go ahead, they said. It is okay, go ahead. They held his hand. He wanted their touch. Love permeated the room. The rhythm was set for the morning. Over and over he wanted their touch. They held his hand. His hoarse whisper, I'm tired. I'm ready to go. Go ahead, dad, it is alright.
He was trying so hard to expire. Giving it his best shot.
The rest of the day grew busy. The room grew full of people. Children, their spouses, grandchildren, stepchildren. Friends. The words were repeated. I'm tired. I want to go. Come go with me. We can't come with you, dad, you go ahead. It is okay.
He stayed somewhat aggitated during the day with all the activity of people coming in and out, and from the chatter in his room. Out-of-town son was able to be there. Daughter came over later and got to be present. Helping and wanting to witness their grandfather's passing. I am so proud that all three of our grown children have tender hearts for their grandfather. A grandfather whose legacy is laughter and wit.
Macho stayed the night. This morning while I stayed with the grands Daughter ran and picked up breakfast for her dad and delivered it to him at the nursing home. Then they came home and all got ready for church. After Mass, lunch, and Daughter's departure we both went back to the nursing home. This day was more calm. More decline. Father-in-law slept peacefully most of the afternoon. Only opening his eyes to slits. A quick wink at Laura. A finger pointing at Macho. Signs he still sees and knows his children. And loves.
This week.
We will live. We will love. We will let go.
Namaste.
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